


Red Grapes, Green Grapes

by dunnedays



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sgrub Session, F/M, How do I code?, Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-22
Updated: 2013-05-22
Packaged: 2017-12-12 14:17:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/812521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dunnedays/pseuds/dunnedays
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nepeta contacts Karkat on a whim, but could a friendly competition lead to something more?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Red Grapes, Green Grapes

arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

AC: :33 < hi karkat!

CG: WHAT DO YOU WANT, NEPETA?

AC: :33 < um well

AC: :33 < i was wondering if you wanted to roleplay

CG: I WOULD RATHER STICK MY HEAD IN A LOAD GAPER. 

CG: DON'T YOU HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO THAN PRANCE AROUND THE INTERNET PRETENDING TO BE SOME KIND OF MENTALLY FUCKED UP CAT?

AC: :33 < of claws i do other things besides roleplaying! 

AC: :33 < i hunt, play with pounce, organize my shipping wall, watch meowvies... 

AC: :33 < oh! i watched a really good movie yesterday! 

AC: :33 < maybe even you might like it

CG: WHAT WAS IT? 

AC: :33 < in which a cerulean blooded outlaw played by troll jennifer aniston is captured by a seafaring violet blood working for the empress only to be rescued by troll eddie murphys raggle taggle bunch of jade blooded misfits including troll jackie chan as an out of place brown blood who becomes the secondary flushed interest... 

AC: :33 < should i go on?

CG: NO THANKS. I KNOW WHICH FILM YOU MEAN. 

AC: :33 < oh youve heard of it?

CG: I'VE SEEN IT. 

CG: IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST DISAPPOINTINGLY AWFUL FILMS I HAVE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE TO WATCH.

AC: :oo < really???

CG: YEAH. 

CG: I MEAN, DON'T GET ME WRONG. IT HAD AN AMAZING STORY AND THE MUSIC WAS PERFECT. 

CG: AND IT WAS A CINEMATIC WONDER IN ALL ASPECTS BUT ONE. 

CG: AND IT COMPLETELY LET ITSELF TOTALLY FLOP BECAUSE IT FAILED TO MEET THIS ONE CRUCIAL POINT FOR ANY FILM.

CG: THE ENDING.

AC: :33 < what do you mean?

CG: THE FACT THAT JENIFA NISTON, THE CHARACTER TROLL JENNIFER ANISTON PLAYED, BECAME MATESPRITS WITH THAT SEADWELLING DOUCHEBAG, FRINDO, WHEN SHE CLEARLY SHOULD HAVE BEEN WITH GREKIN, THAT BROWN BLOOD WHO WAS REALLY NICE TO HER.

AC: :33 < i totally agr33!!!

AC: :33 < frindo was really mean to her all throughout the story and he didnt love her at all

AC: :33 < he was just using her to get to polerts treasure!

CG: EXACTLY!

AC: :33 < i even wrote a fanfiction about jenifa <3 grekin

AC: :33 < its called below the olive branch

CG: WAIT, FANFICTION?

CG: OH MY FUCKING GOD, NEPETA. THAT'S EVEN WORSE THAN ROLEPLAYING.

AC: :33 < its actually really furapeutic!

AC: :33 < you can create an alternate ending or a sequel or anything that you would have loved to s33 in the story

AC: :33 < here! why dont you read mine?

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] sent carcinoGeneticist [CG] the file “belowtheolivebranch.txt” --

CG: HOW ABOUT BECAUSE I'M NOT A FUCKING WIGGLER WHO WANTS TO INGEST A CRACK PAIRING WRITTEN BY AN AUTISTIC NOOKSUCKER LIVING IN A CAVE?

AC: :33 < just read it!

CG: UGGHHHHHHH.

CG: YOU KNOW WHAT? FINE. I'LL READ IT SO I CAN PICK IT APART AND SHOW YOU JUST HOW MUCH OF A GRUB YOU ARE.

AC: :33 < yay!

CG: OK, YOU ACTUALLY START THIS OFF PRETTY GOOD.

AC: :33 < thank you!

\-- carcinoGeneticist  [CG] is now an idle troll! --

AC: :33 < karkat?

CG: YEAH I'M NEARLY FINISHED.

AC: :33 < ok

CG: HAHA.

CG: OK, I'LL ADMIT THAT WAS PRETTY GOOD.

AC: :33 < you liked it???

CG: YEAH, KIND OF.

AC: :33 < wow thanks!

AC: :33 < have you changed your opinion of fanfiction now?

CG: HAHA, NO.

CG: "BELOW THE OLIVE BRANCH" MAY BE A GOOD ONE.

CG: BUT IT'S JUST ONE IN A MILLION.

CG: A GOOD THING IN A SEA OF SHIT.

CG: FUCK I THINK THERE'S A MORE ACCURATE ANALOGY FOR THAT.

CG: SOMETHING TO DO WITH JEWELS AND TEXTURE OR SOME SHIT.

CG: WHATEVER.

CG: THE POINT IS THAT JUST BECAUSE ONE FANFICTION IS GOOD DOESN'T MEAN THAT ALL THE FANFICTION FROM YOU, ME AND THE REST OF ALTERNIA IS GOING TO BE ANY BETTER.

AC: :33 < youve written fanfiction???

CG: I MAY HAVE TRIED IT.

CG: ONCE.

CG: A LONG TIME AGO.

AC: :33 < can i s33???

CG: NO.

AC: :33 < you got to read mine!

CG: YEAH BUT I DON'T EVEN THINK YOU KNOW WHAT MINE IS BASED ON.

CG: THE THRESH PRINCE OF BEL-AIR.

AC: :33 < oh i watch that

AC: :33 < troll will smith is so funny!

CG: HAHA, I KNOW, RIGHT? HE'S LIKE THE HERO OF THE ACTING WORLD.

AC: :33 < i wont if you show me your fanfic!

CG: FUCK, NOW THAT'S BLACKMAIL.

CG: FINE. HERE.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] sent arsenicCatnip [AC] the file “IMAFUCKINGDISGRACE.TXT” --

AC: :33 < yay! brb

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] is now an idle troll! --

CG: WHAT? IT'S NOT THAT LONG.

AC: :33 < oh! sorry!

AC: :33 < i finished reading it and it was so good that i started writing a fanfiction of it!

CG: A FANFICTION OF A FANFICTION? WHAT THE FUCK?

AC: :33 < if you like something you should write a fanfiction of it! thats my motto!

CG: HM... I'VE JUST HAD A REALLY FUCKING RETARDED IDEA THAT YOU'D LOVE.

CG: WE HAVE TO GO DEEPER.

CG: LET'S HAVE A FANFICTION TOURNAMENT. YOU WRITE A FANFICTION OF "THRESH OUT THE HIVE" AND I'LL DO ONE OF "BELOW THE OLIVE BRANCH". WE THEN EXCHANGE THEM AND, IF WE LIKE THEM, WE WRITE A FANFICTION OF *THAT*.

CG: AND THEN WE RINSE AND REPEAT UNTIL ONE OF US PRODUCES SHIT THAT THE OTHER ONE HATES.

AC: :33 < what if one of us makes a fanfiction that the other cant improve?

CG: SHIT, I DUNNO.

CG: HOW ABOUT IF.

CG: FOR EXAMPLE, YOU COULDN'T IMPROVE ON MY WORK.

CG: SO I'VE THEN GOT TO GIVE YOU ANOTHER MOVIE OR SOMETHING TO WRITE A FANFIC ABOUT.

AC: :33 < yes!!! thats a great idea!

AC: :33 < itll help us both to become better furiends! :33

CG: YEAH, SURE.

AC: :33 < hm... what should the reward be though?

CG: I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA.

AC: :33 < how about... if... the loser has to do whatever the winner wants for a full w33k?

CG: WHOA, NO WAY.

AC: :(( < why not?

CG: BECAUSE THAT’S A STUPID FUCKING REWARD.

AC: :33 < can you come up with a better one???

CG: UH...

CG: HOW ABOUT IF I WIN THEN YOU HAVE TO STOP TALKING TO ME?

CG: BUT IF YOU WIN, THEN SURE, I DUNNO. I’LL DO WHAT YOUR STUPID IDEA WAS OR WHATEVER.

AC: :(( < thats mean!

CG: UGH. FINE. WE’LL JUST GO WITH YOUR DUMB REWARD.

AC: :33 < yay!

AC: :33 < we should probably get a judge so that neither of us cheat!

CG: I DON'T INTEND TO CHEAT.

AC: :33 < me neither but with these deals its better to have a furred party apparently

AC: :33 < thats what terezi says anyway

CG: SHIT, WELL SHE MUST BE RIGHT. SHE USUALLY IS WHEN IT COMES TO THIS LEGAL JUNK.

AC: :33 < so what about kanaya? shes usually very friendly

CG: UH, SURE. WHY NOT?

AC: :33 < ill ask her while you get started on below the olive branch 2!

AC: :33 < since i said i started thresh out the hive 2 already

CG: ALL RIGHT.

CG: CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SAYING THIS TO YOU BUT TALK TO YOU LATER.

AC: :33 < s33 you!

carcinoGeneticist  [CG]  ceased trolling arsenicCatnip  [AC]

**Author's Note:**

> I've seen Nepeta's weird line that's not formatted correctly and I've tried all sorts to try to fix it but to no avail. Whatever, it's not like one line matters, right?
> 
> Anyway, thanks to cryptologicalMystic for actually pointing me to a coding tutorial! Apparently the Homestuck Skin works like Tumblr Themes...
> 
> Also the Troll Jennifer Aniston film was just something I completely made up and I have no idea whether it actually means anything to anyone.


End file.
